year of the shedding snake 🐍
In the Chinese Zodiac, 2025 is represented by the Snake, which I found to be... quite apt considering all the versions of me I've shed over the last year. A theme that's come up a lot this year, almost in an ominous fashion (though you can check out what a former astrologer colleague, Hawk, says about this here if you're so inclined) has been the amount of past lives a person carries with them throughout their time on Earth. Maybe that's morbid to say, or perhaps it's my training as a death doula that constantly brings me to the macabre, but I think I've grieved so many versions of myself in the last few years, I don't know how much I have left in me.
Humans shed their skin cells all the fucking time. We do. We slough off these puppies naturally--our skin becomes a host for microorganisms that help with this process--but unlike us, snakes do it all at once. Which is why they end up with a glorious cast of skin at the end of the process. And instead of that happening incrementally for humans, I feel like I've lived millennia in the span of this short year.
I entered this year believing I was going to become a clinical therapist. Only to realise that the 1:1 work I once did with clients and patients was no longer something that fed my passions and energy. I felt stifled and questioned my involvement in a system that was clearly not meant for the populations it needs to serve most. I used to love working with people in a personalized setting, tailored to their needs. But with the amount of bullshit going on, especially in my personal life, I could no longer serve the needs of the people that wanted to rely on me the most. And I had to give up the desires of what I was trying to pursue to reconcile with the reality of the field.
I also relinquished the identity of an actively dating and relationship-abundant polyamorous person. For those who believe in prescriptive non-monogamy, you could essentially say that I became "monogamous" by attrition. (I'm gonna be real with you, I think that classification is a load of shit, but some people really think this! I know my ex partner certainly did when I broke up with them, only for them to completely ignore that I had a comet partner at the time, in addition to my marriage.)
After an ill-fated trip with my long-distance comet partner, I decided, due to a whole host of reasons, that we were not compatible. We are still friends, which I'm grateful for, and we will always love each other. But, after traveling for over a week with him, I needed a lot of space---weirdly, something that he did not want to give me. I have long considered myself a ~ lover ~ for as long as I can remember, so the sudden urge to strip that away in order to return that love back to myself felt like saying goodbye to a crucial part of my life.
I grieve that connection with the person who was so unashamed in their capacity for abundant love because I wish I could carry that same conviction. But I am tired. And trying to map out the toxic cycles I find myself sucked into in order to learn what not to do moving forward.
What I lost in relationships of all kinds (even friendships, which however disappointing, was more clarifying for the types of intimacy I'd like to practice in the future) I realized that I learned the gift of discernment, something that long eluded me. I became content with the changes. I am learning to integrate them slowly.
And like a dear friend, Lauren has said about her snake year---I'm looking forward to casting off this year's skin and moving forward into 2026 like a horse, galloping into the sunset to live my best life.